Self Portrait Challenge: Blue Week 2
Like a lot of the trappings of girliness, I have a love/hate relationship with make-up. I don't wear it all the time. When I do wear it, it tends to be really minimal. As a queer woman, I have never really identified as a "femme" and I never had a lot of queer women in my life who wore makeup until I moved to San Francisco. My friend Sami is really into makeup in a way that makes wearing it seem really fun and not an affront to my feminist nature, which is the first time I've really been able to get that from the whole wearing makeup thing. Lately, I've been experimenting with wearing makeup to work, and I swear I get better tips when I wear it.
The down side to this is that, I used to be really comfortable with the way I looked without makeup, but as I am getting older and my skin is aging, I definitely am starting to feel like I look better with it on. I kind of hate this. I want to feel good about my skin all the time. Aging + my vanity + my feminist values are making for a conflicted Kate. To be honest, I'm struggling for the first time in my life with feeling attractive. It's definitely something I don't want to admit because I think of these kind of thoughts as silly. I'm just not that kind of girl, in my mind. Which may be the problem, I'm not a girl anymore. I'm firmly in my thirties, which definitely makes me a woman. This probably should have occurred to me years ago, but I swear to god, I'm a little shocked every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and 19-year-old Kate isn't what I am seeing in the reflection. In almost every possible way I feel like I am better than I have ever been before. I'm smarter, more secure, more interesting, happier - my relationships are better, I have this really great life. There is nothing in me that wants to be 25 again. But I sure wouldn't mind having the skin I did when I was 25. I guess that's what they mean when they say youth is wasted on the young.
2 comments:
Well, I fail to see the conflict between feminism and make-up if you OWN it and wear it because it makes you feel good vs. feeling like you have to in order to "fit in" or be a "real" woman. Just live your life, your politics are clear and secure and can't be shaken by eye-shadow or lipstick.
F talks often talks about the gap between how she sees herself and what she actually sees in the mirror. She also talks about how she would never want to go back to the years of "smoother skin" because of how confident and accomplished she feels she is now. Welcome to woman-hood indeed I guess.
i am well out of my thirties and stopped wearing makeup quite abruptly when i was in my thirties. when i tried to wear it i thought i looked too wierd and now i am lazy and have gotton used to my looks and really as you said like myself so much better now anyway that it is something i dont need to take the time to do. i recently bought a teal eye liner and blue nail poilish for an spc and to my surprise i like the eye pencil a lot...what does this mean? thanks for making look at the whole makeup thing again i will be giving it some thought.
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